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Team leader: Female professional always supporting and helping to everybody. Not only at work but also at home. Then there is no surprise that she is tired and exhausted. What can we do?
We were focusing on balance: giving versus receiving. And mainly on her ability to ask for support and for help.
This issue is quite common, and I help clients to work on this balance. For some people is asking for help extremely hard. To be there for everybody, to make others happy can be strategy to avoid conflicts.
This strategy can be helpful but not indefinitely - we must be able to draw the line and also ask for help and support and be able to receive when its offered. It can be challenging at first but with time and practise my client become exceptionally good with her boundaries. She has learnt how to recognize her own needs, how she can express them but also how to ask for help and support.
And how is my client? She has much more energy now, she is happy and enjoying work and life. She is much more smiling and happier and has happy people around herself. He has learned relaxed, put feet up, walk in nature and just breathe. And she “allowed” to her partner to help her around her house -first time in 20years. Juheej :-D
CEO in big international corporation. We were working on his business issues, being tired, stressed out, business proposals. But one day he comes and wants to look at his relationships at home. Has 2 kids, which he loves dearly. But one of them is self-harming herself and attempted suicide.
His wife drives him crazy when he comes home, she welcomes him as ice queen. He resent this. He feels he needs to take care of everybody. And he just wants peace and warmth.
I love to work with whole systems being it family or business unit - it makes more sense this way furthermore the results are much faster. Sometimes parents bring me kid with a request “PLEASE FIX MY KID” or director comes please “FIX MY EMPLOEES” but when l invite them to participate, they refuse. Well what l can do - trying to do my best with whatever is the situation.
WHAT WERE RESULTS with this family? Daughter has blossomed into successful young lady studying at University but mostly no self-harming and no more pills popping. Wife and husband after they have worked out their issues are now having loving relationship.
Can you leave abusive partner if you are financially dependent on him, have kids and phobia of leaving house? YES
Beautiful but completely “broken” woman came to me. I still cannot understand till today how she managed this as she had phobia of leaving her house. She wasn’t leaving ther house at all. Fortunately, her kids were big enough to go to school by themselves and managed all the shopping for the household. My client was stressed, depressed and in non-functioning relationship. Her partner sometimes came home sometimes did not, sometimes payed the bills, sometimes not, was abusing her mentally occasionally physically. :-(
We were working on her self-esteem, on her phobia, of course on her relationship and depression. Results: I could not believe it after a few sessions she came to me and shared her plan to move. :-( Then after another a few weeks she called me:
“Hi Veronika, I have moved to another city, I found a new job, I do all the errands for my household, l am financially self-sufficient, my kids go to new school, my phobia has disappeared, l am meeting new people and the relationships are not abusive on the contrary they are extremely supportive to me and I AM HAPPY. You can imagine how HAPPY l was to receive this kind of phone call.
Successful business partner in international company but very sick. Came to see me as she was sick for two weeks: exhausted, chills, fewer, headaches, aches. She was feeling very vulnerable and confused. But normally she is used to be extremely strong. Could I help?
I used body -psychotherapy techniques and l was working on her stomach as kind of “First Aid Help”. And it worked immediately after the session she felt much better.
Following sessions, we focused on her frequent headaches. She had to be always on alert as she was not feeling as good as others, needed to feel strong and saw vulnerability as a weakness. She needed to earn a lot of money much more than her partner. You can imagine why is she extremely successful in her work and why she has headaches often.
We were working with her body and do you want to hear the results? Her carrier is still amazing but took little bit different direction she is working with much more passion but at the same time she is much more relaxed, and headaches are gone.
It was twenty years ago. At that time, I was working as a psychotherapist only for individuals, not for companies. I had a client an Australian businessman with who we managed to improve and fix his personal problems and phobias. At one point, however, he wanted me to do more than eliminate more than his fear of flying.
"My company is not making money. Please, I need help otherwise it just doesn't make sense. " Many branches across Australia mean even more work and problems.
I told him: "I'm not a business consultant" but he told me: "I know that you can help me"
And we did it. The man has much happier personal life, and his company is striving -it gives him more than he takes. These are different things as everybody is saying personal life and work - let's not mix it, it would probably be easy, but they mix with each other without us wanting to
I am single and l don’t like that. I want to be in a relationship.
Does our past affect us today?
Imagine scenario: couple with 2 small children. Finally, free evening planning candlelight dinner. Exited wife is cooking dinner. Husband with flower is coming home a few min late. He is expecting nice worm welcome. But instead...
"You're late! Where have you been? You're unfaithful to me!” shouts his wife.
He is wearing a yellow jumper. Is it a problem? Normally no! But in our case: His wife was beaten by her dad. Why? She got home late at age 6. And her dad had worn then yellow T-shirt.
Our brain is trying “to protect us”. But it cannot differentiate past from present. That is why the wife has reacted as she did. The reaction was unconscious based on her past.
The wife’s reaction unfortunately also evokes unpleasant childhood memories for her husband. He lived in a family where his mother was constantly accusing his father of cheating.
You can imagine how such evening has turned out. YES, infamously and by quarrel. Unfortunately, our past affects us a lot. And we are not aware of it most of the time!
When l am working with clients we reveal and release these experiences. So our life in present is not spoilt anymore.
Successful young business owner
So far, she was focusing on offering services for big corporate companies, but that has changed with Covid. So, she started to offer different type of services to Universities and also developed new software.
And the challenge? “Should l stay and continue to work on my “baby”? Which I have built up from nothing, and which has supported me successfully for last 7 years or should I focus more on the new type of business? Can l believe it will support me financially, will it be successful?” What we did? We looked the numbers – looked at profitability of these different sectors, but we also covered fear of unknown and sadness from letting go of her “baby”.
Results? My client has opened to new options and is at ease with it, new customers are coming globally. And of course, we have set up also new pricing – much more money and at the same time less working hours.
My second business client?
80 hours of work per week.
We started with finances and numbers. We calculated that her salary was 6$ an hour. Even at that time, it was less than the minimum wage /12$/. Who can be surprised that this was reflected in her personal life?
So much for the connection between psychotherapy and economic numbers. Yes, in order to change the nature of her business, she had to change herself. It meant using body-psychotherapy, that is, working not only with her thoughts and mental settings, but also with their physical manifestations. At the same time, change in the relationship settings in her company followed.
"Do I want a business?" Yes. But l want to work less and earn more. "
We put this decision into practice together. And it affected business and life as a whole. Yes, if you ask, she also lost a lot of weight.
In some cases, it’s good to work with the whole family. I mean They brought me thein child since it was having troubles in a school. You know though typical troubles bad concentration, bad behaviour, being often ill. Well how shall help with that when there is a trauma of child its grandparents when its mother is very unhappy and unsatisfied with herself and her father is overloaded with work and always tired? Could you expect healthy and happy child in this family? Could you make it happy and not change mothers’ attitude towards herself and fathers daily schedule? Perhaps you can but l am not almighty. It did work but l did help they are quite happy family now. But they have done the most important thing themselves. They wanted to be helped.